Go on a Ride (Backwards)

If there’s one thing to know about me, it’s that I love carnival rides. I love the thrill of powering through the air, shooting through loops on a roller coaster, and never quite knowing if you’re about to die or not. (Guys I live in Edmonton, it’s a legitimate concern on our roller coasters.)

What I’ve never really done, however, is ride a ride that goes backwards (or at least one that seats you backwards). While I’m all over riding on the front of a train and watching my imminent demise, I’ve never been in a position where I didn’t know what was coming (and thus I couldn’t prepare.) Today that would change.

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So innocent. So painful.

Now, my niece is in town because my sister-in-law is running the marathon with me tomorrow, and she’s never been to a theme park before in her whole life. Granted, her whole life is just over three years so that’s not as big a deal as I’m making it out to be, but still. Today we took her to walk around and see if it’s something she may enjoy, and maybe try to get her on some rides if she was big enough.

Spoiler alert: she was absolutely not big enough.

We got her just 6 tickets so she could ride on the train and the ferris wheel, the only things she was tall enough to go on if she wanted. She hopped on the train and had a decent time, but she’d had a long day and basically just wanted to grab some food and go the fuck home. Fair enough, but my family is cheap as fuck and we’d just spent $24 on tickets for rides — we were going to use those motherfuckers, and use them well.

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For those keeping tabs at home, it’s the yellow track.

So, rather than something simple like the bumper cars, my brother and I elected to hop on a ride we’d seen that circles around the Mindbender and also features spinning while shooting around the track.

I mean, it just seemed the most logical choice, given the options.

After a stupidly long line made even more stupidly long by people in front of us consistently cutting their friends in (yes, we saw you, and yes, we would have fought you if it weren’t a felony for us) we finally sat down for our turn and took the seats that spent most of the time going backwards. I buckled in, girded my loins, and mentally prepped for the journey.

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Don’t worry, nothing could possibly go wrong here.

Now, I’m not going to pretend as though there wasn’t some sweat beading as we began our ascent for the first dip. That shit was displeasing to say the least, since I knew the drop was coming but I just didn’t know when. As I kept watching the ground get further and further away (because they make you take off your hat but not your glasses — who needs those, anyway) I, as is common in these challenges, spent the moment debating my life choices.

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Me, twenty seconds into the climb.

But just before we dropped in earnest the rotations began, so I could properly ¬†foresee my imminent doom. It really does make a difference, I have to say. I won’t go so far as to say it was worth the wait as it was a¬†very short ride, but it definitely got the old ticker pumping and jumped the adrenaline up, especially for those moments when I truly had no idea what the path was going to be. Once I could spot the line of the track it went from being a liquid shit experience to being another fun day at the office, and that kind of rush is something I haven’t gotten from a ride in years..

I don’t know that there are any coasters in my immediate area that exclusively travel backwards, but now that I’ve had a taste I’ll have to do some research and see what I can find. If you like rides and are in the market for a real rush, do the same.

But prep a diaper first.

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