Get an (Online) Tarot Reading

I freely admit I’m a skeptic when it comes to most things “occult.” I’m not really down with ghosts or ghouls, paganism, or Wicca (though I’m certainly willing to try these things out and see what there is to see if anyone has a hookup in Edmonton); basically, I love the world of Harry Potter, but pretty much anything to do with the real life incarnations of it died a painful death when I didn’t get my invitation to Hogwarts at eleven.

Thanks, Voldemort.

Not today, asshole.

Still, I’m intrigued by the thought of divination (even while thinking it’s a pile of crap) so I decided to do a bit of research into having a reading done. Turns out that shit is not cheap: $50 for a half hour reading just isn’t in my wheel house right now, and $85 for an hour is right out. But my dear friend Google did point me in the direction of an online tarot reading site that is right in my price range of free, so I fired up the ol’ interwebs and sat down to get my future on.

First thing I noticed on the site: there are a lot of conflicting font choices happening. It’s a little distracting, but I’m here for the business, so on we go. I “shuffled” the cards a few times, feeling it was important to get my non-existent money’s worth out of this experience, and drew my six cards.

Guys, the first card was literally the death card. I’m so fucked.

Screen Shot 2016-07-18 at 9.54.09 PM
I mean it’s not wrong.

Basically, my hand was thus: Death, The Tower, The Moon, Strength, The Hierophant, and The Lovers. For the most part this seems like fate has dealt me a digital fist to the throat, because shit is bleak.

It’s all downhill from here, really.

Much like the Scientology personality test, my tarot reading paints a picture of myself that is filled with internal and external turmoil, one that is teetering on the brink of physical and mental collapse, and desperately needs some kind of anchor to turn things around. Generally I’m alright with ignoring things that I don’t believe in, but this is now two completely unrelated online tests that are telling me my life is a shit show. If I do a third one and the results continue, there may just be a problem.

If I’m honest, there are aspects of this silly reading that kind of hit home right now. I do feel very adrift in my life, I am scared a lot of the time, and I am rather lonely. There are large parts of this that are my own doing, but I’m actively trying to change them even though it’s a hard slog. I feel like I’m not committing enough effort to this on a daily basis because I’m bogged down by work right now, but I know that things aren’t working, and I know that I’m not happy, so I know that once my life comes back in August it’s something I’m actively going to work on.

I didn’t need an online card reading to know that, but it’s actually kind of interesting that it came up as a result. If I find myself with an extra $85 laying around, I may just go do a real reading in a few months to see if anything has changed.

And apparently I’ll be meeting someone new in my love life soon, so that’s a bonus.

If I had this much swagger at four, guess how much I have now.

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